was at tampiness mac..somewhere near janice house for the whole morning!! didn't charge my phone for the night so whole day without phone..still not bad la. i manage to pass time with the mp3 and waited for pris, janice and sally to finish school. i waited for around 6hours!!! OMG...and my butt definitely ache till numb. den met pris's san yi for "lunch dinner" at ding tai feng..and the bill is jaw breaking! we only ordered 10 xiao long bao, 10 red bean bao and 2 plates of fried rice..it costs us $47.65! pris is stil not full so went to buy duck rice..and we went to the stage where her aunts perform...AND i also played on stage! it was my first time putting on the makeups and its... OMG!! and to remove makeups, i applied so many oils!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE... but afterall, ITS FUN... living a life with no regrets! mwahaha...

-while waiting during the 6 hours, i wrote a 2 pages long essay to myself-

#if only we could learn to trust

I didn't know that you were treating her so well...I’m confused by your words. Sometimes having magnanimity is just not enough to forgive and forget. I thought you would stop having her in your mind but still, there are only my thoughts..not yours. So all you need was her to be with you. I thought you could fill this emptiness in me once again but I’m wrong. Stop giving me disappointment because it will never be displaced off with my Hopes.
Time has a habit of slipping away. I really don’t know, and I really don’t! Months have just passed like that and it will never return to me. I feel like I’ve been crying under the rain so that no one knows I’m crying. Where can I house my disappointments? When will I stop needing you? It’s a year and 4 months rs now and I’m now still left pondering on the memories. What about you?
To that someone:
Before you even know what’s wrong, you started blaming me. I can honestly tell you that I have no harm in saying all tat I’ve said and it’s without regret. Your interest was in my mind whenever I speak because I know that you are stressed up with so many other things. Why do you think that I’m a flirt?! Why do you detest me so much when I did nothing? Ask those around you that you trust..I’m sure they’ll tell you the situation instead of siding me. Can you please stop hurting me with your thinking’s. I feel really BAD!! I want to love you as a sister but I guess I’ve invited the dark clouds which cause my tears to keep flowing. Ask yourself, do I have any benefits or motives to blame or ‘frame’ your ****? It was true that I’m t******* and I didn’t intend to tell you because I knew that you wouldn’t believe. It will spoil your image of him! I too thought that it was unintentionally but looking at a long run cause, now is the time to speak out before it’s too late to even cry over it. It would only be me who is hurt most as I would be the one carrying these unpleasant memories for life. Even aunty **** also agreed that it was right for me to voice it out. So do you think I want to spoil your f******? You cannot deny that mans are lustful in nature. I have to speak out myself! I am speechless lahhx. You would rather choose the other than sparing a thought for me. Please, I hope you’d understand. I surrendered to my tears le. Enough... LORD! Hide me now under your wings! Help me calm the ranging seas...that came crashing over me.
To myself:
Yes, she may deny that she didn’t do anything. I might be too self-conscious and so it might be a misunderstanding. BUT! It occurs so much so that even people are pointing fingers at you, saying that you are...how could I be wrong then? Yes, she’s a helper and she wouldn’t gossip or bear grudges or have any unclean thoughts but even those around you are saying you are...I don’t know how much more you want to defend yourself. I am really confused with 3 different stories. And even Cheryl doesn’t even know what’s happening. And fine, though I’ve forgiven, I still can’t bring myself to trust you and I still got to apologise for not liking you! OH MAN... rubbishes!
To ********:
Yes, it’s not your fault to be cautious about your cluster members’ life but you are too overboard le! Don’t you think so? Guard your house before you start worrying about how others are doing. Open your eyes wider! I am trying so hard to leave this thing aside and am not opening doors for anyone! I’m thrown back into it again by you i guess. Thanks arhh! Haix...Know your people before knowing me! I really don’t like you to care because I feel uneasy! Stop using a different eye to look at us! We are humans! Unless you tell me that you’re an alien. Don’t think that your life is really so transparent...if someone one day really spills the beans, you’ll be sorry. There’s nothing wrong for us to be close friends...aren’t you and the rest doing the same?! And what’s wrong for me to ask bingzhong for help with my bag when it is so damn heavy and you treated me as a flirt?! OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, can I also say that you are flirting with K*** or rather the other 143 guys?! Stop all your defending lahhx...Hypocrite!! Is your ministry more important than your integrity?! You don’t even dare to admit?!

>>meiling<<

slimmed down! =D but still my face looks round -.-"

in both of you, i'm such a xiao nu ren...

but this time round, i'm alone..STRONG!
i always thought that loving people is easier than detesting ppl but now,
haix...do unto others just as you would like them to do unto you. ^o^

JAMES 5:20...he who turns a sinner from the error of his way
will save a soul from death and cover a great multitude of sin.

victoria, cho meiling
ngee ann polytechnic [ACC]
insane
loves children!
together with Christ since 2002
loving God wholeheartedly
loving people fervently
BATTLE LEARNT and NEVER REPEAT
when you RECEIVE, GIVE.
when you LEARN, TEACH



I want a boy who will hold my hand in line at the mall & make all the other girls jealous.
I want somone who would grab me by my waist at random times.
Someone who is more goofy than romantic.
A boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when i'm acting dumb.
i'm not the one you would want to mess around with - you might end up crying.
and not a "flowers girl" if you know...
He would silence me with his lips on mine when i'm throwing tantrums.
A guy who would make fun of me just to hear my laugh.
He'd play with my hair all the time & suprise me with little things.
Somone who i could share my lollipops with & lay on a blanket with to count the stars.
more of a mummy boy than bad boy! would like him to be close to his mum then those who thinks are too-cool-for-school.
i got to 'get' him and he got to 'get' me.
But mostly, someonewho will be my best friend & would never break my heart.
He'd just always make me SMILE.
A boy, like no other & he's special.

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